21 March, 2010

"Osbourne Cox? I thought you might be worried... about the security... of your shit." -Burn After Reading

A few days ago, my fiance, her mother, my dog and I were strolling along the beaches of the Georgia coastline when I spotted something in the sand dunes. It was small and white, and figuring it to be something like a bleached animal bone which are not too uncommon in places like that, I gave it a small kick to uncover it a little and poke around. To my surprise it was something completely different. It was an iPhone. Correction: It was a newer, better iPhone than the one I have currently. Now, I have to admit I had a personal, inner struggle for a few minutes and I feel I came to the right decision: I decided to keep it. .. Nah, just kidding. Actually, I logged on to this kid’s Facebook account (I discovered that he is a freshman in college) and posted a message on his wall, which has become a big hit with all his friends, apparently... This says it all:

“Dear Brutus, (name changed)

First of all, kudos, I found no naked photos or evidence of perversity on your iphone. Well done!

Secondly, a couple of tips for owning an iphone:

Password protect your shit. I know everything about you now and could serious wreck havok if I had wanted to.
Invest in MobileMe and it’s GPS finding function.
Don’t go wandering off on to a beach while high with a $700 phone.

Obviously this thing cost someone a lot of money and they would probably like it back, and that person probably wasn’t you. Thus, I’m sending it back to your dad. (who is very well spoken, by the by)

P.S. Stop doing drugs and use protection.


The guy who found your Iphone.”

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