It's been a minute.

It's been a long minute.

We're in a global crisis unlike anything the past four generations have ever seen. The world is literally on fire and people are preoccupied... with semantics. 

I'm angry. I'm stuck inside because interacting with others puts me at risk for a virus that is blazing a wildfire across continents. The idiot in the White House thinks himself the sun king, and every institutional safeguard has been destroyed or eroded by rich, craven morons; and we aren't even into hurricane season yet. It's a shitshow by every measure.

And it's been hard, you guys. So hard. We've been self-quarantined since the beginning of March and that first week was just me curled up in a ball of anxiety and fear in my chair, phone in my hand reading the same six re-posted news articles, letting the fear of uncertainty creep into my bones. My phone usage, according to my phone, the authority on my cellphone usage, says my anxiety caused a 600% surge last month. I desperately needed something else to do with my hands.
All my external mechanisms of coping; work, the gym, martial arts, literally going anywhere, evaporated. So I turned to video games and viewable content. Those soon lost their luster, too. So now I'm reading books and trying to learn guitar. That has been able to hold my interest better than most but still the heaviness in the pit of my stomach is uncomfortable to carry.

And let me tell you, hoo boy, do I suck at guitar! Music theory is obtuse, my fretting is lazy, and I rush and/or drag often. Sometimes in the same bar. But... I forget about the low frequency nausea that has clung to my guts for the past month as an unfortunate side effect of spending all my waking hours worrying about my life and livelihood and those of my loved ones. And it's all I can focus on until the CBD kicks it away for a while. And that's the thing, we're in an inflection moment where all the distractions we've created for ourselves are gone and we're forced to look at ourselves like a forced moment of clarity. Except if you watch Fox News all day. Your head is still in the fish bowl.

Cut to the next day:

I put this post down yesterday because I got stuck. Between then and now I had a panic attack. I've had break downs before, but never anything like this. I couldn't breathe. It felt like what I imagine drowning feels like: an invisible pillow over my face refusing to let up. My wife, Heather, attempted to comfort me but it was all I could do to push her away to give me space. That was the scary part: just needing space to let my body freak out and push all this anxiety to the surface, like sweating out a fever. I remember thinking about how unusual it felt to know I was freaking out involuntarily but simultaneously remarking upon it with the knowledge that, in actuality, I was not in any danger. Cognitive Dissonance, I guess? And now I feel like a rung out towel. Some residual anxiety remains but that tight ball of nausea abated for a few precious hours.

The Future History of Humanity

    It seems that in the past month and a half I’ve blossomed in to quite the ‘Trekkie’. That is: my supplier, Netflix, has gotten me hooked on the TV show Star Trek: The Next Generation*. It’s the one with the meme-prone bald guy:

Facepalm Copyright: CBS Television

    It got me thinking about a couple of things: about the maturity of the media we consume and where we’re headed as a species.

    I’m about waist-deep in to the third season now and have developed a great affinity to the characters on the show. I am realizing that as I aim down the barrel of middle age my patience for most of what transpires for storytelling wanes thin because it’s aimed mostly at the coveted male: 15 - 25 year-old demographic. TNG has the elements that appeal to this demo: there’s action, flashy lights and occasional sexy talk, but it’s the underlying philosophy that really grabs me. If you don’t know: the show’s premise is predicated on the idea that we explore space just to explore it. No need for money, the governing bodies of the future still quarrel, but Earth is unified and the enemies are now aliens with Pringle-shaped foreheads. The crew of Star Fleet (that’s like the space navy) devote their free time to art, philosophy, and sometimes wooing instead of the baser ideas of conquest and advertising liquor on asteroid billboards. Yes, it can be hokey, and indeed, you will be ostracized from party conversations if you bring it up, but the core idea of space exploration and moving past our most basest of motivators to be better than ourselves is why it endures.

    This, in turn, causes my un-greased brain to creak a bit pondering why I’m more open to the series now than I was, say, when I was entering my 20’s. It’s maturity, sure. But, I think it’s because I’m over Star Wars. It is unfair to compare the two because they are completely different. But having made the transition from “Warsie” ( what are Star Wars fans called? Star Jerks?) to “Trekkie” I believe you can immediately spot what sort of person a person is using them as a litmus test:

    Star Wars is medieval fantasy. It utilizes mythic stereotypes and plays to our sense of history and war-like nature. It’s a very good fairy tale to teach to children because in it’s own way it’s a modern epic poem in the style of the Odyssey and can be utilized as such.
    Star Trek, however, is a modernist allegory reflecting on modern themes. It’s a reaction to the current state of human affairs and an offering of how our future might turn out or might be improved. What it does well is interpersonal relationships and arousing that sense of exploration that is constantly threatened in real life by economic constraints and bad politics.
    Star Wars is for kids and Star Trek is for adults. You can like both, but it’s like the Beatles versus the Rolling Stones dispute. What’s on your stereo the most? (Assuming you like either one. I suppose I could include 2 Pac vs. Biggie, Beethoven vs. Bach, Dubstep vs. cats screeching, or Justin Bieber vs. Miley Cyrus... There: I covered my bases.)

The 'Inception' of memes... lol, pop-culture!

Then I stumbled across this:

http://www.buildtheenterprise.org/

    BTE-Dan, an engineer and space geek out there on the internet posits that, if we wanted to, we could make something like the U.S.S. Enterprise a reality within the next two decades for about a trillion dollars; which is a pittance compared to what the U.S. government alone will throw at the DoD in the same time frame.